If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
