genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
