I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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