you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
