There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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