My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you had me at cake vodka
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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