i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
