Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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