Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
