My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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