I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
