No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
