awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
