Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
