i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
