the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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