I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
