Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
