You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
