My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
