it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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