1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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