so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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