I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're so nebulous sometimes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
