I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
