I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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