I must be too annoying 4 u.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
