Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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