best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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