I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
