It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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