the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
thus making me awesome and them whores
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
