Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
