Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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