Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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