you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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