Michael Bay diarrhea
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
