I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
