Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
