he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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