Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
