It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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