I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
