Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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