I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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