Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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