my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
