I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
