You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
