I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
